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My Coptic Orthodox boyfriend discussed with his priest our wish to get married based on it being approved if I convert. The priest said that under the views of the Church that you can NEVER marry a person with whom you were intimate outside of marriage even if you repent and stop the intimacy until you are married and I convert. This seems counter to the answers I have seen on your page noting that Jesus said that you are forgiven and not condemned. Is this a Church policy? If so, what is it based on? I am not arguing that it was not a sin, just that it does not make sense for us to be banned from marriage due to it. Maybe, there is something we are not understanding.

One cannot speculate on the priest's comments and stance and the exact content that was relayed and understood nor the context under which this dialogue took place. Our Church adamantly believes in the Holy Mystery of Confession; otherwise, it would not be advocated and encouraged as the necessary channel for renewal of mind and heart. The prophet David is a model of sincere repentance, especially for one who fell in the sin of adultery. To correct his mistakes, he married Bathsheba, cared deeply for her as a wife, and respected her wishes regarding their son, Soliman. She, in return, also loved and respected him, and no further folly from either of them regarding this matter was repeated again. Thus, it is best to make another appointment with this priest and ask for clarification. If you have not yet converted, nor taken steps to convert, it is likely that this relationship appears to lack seriousness and a steadfast commitment for repentance. Conversion to Christianity, especially in the Coptic Orthodox Church, is taken very seriously. Baptism is not merely a gateway to marriage, but a rebirth, and the formation of a new creation (Cf. John 3:1-21). Repentance requires spiritual guidance and prayer because the struggle is often fierce and overwhelming. Therefore, first and foremost, seek your own salvation.

"Jesus answered and said to him, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.' Nicodemus said to Him, 'How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?' Jesus answered, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God'"(John 3:3-5).