Q&A Home > C > Confession Father

For the last few months, neither my friend nor I have been able to confess to our father of confession for several reasons. Our first reason is because of the language barrier. We feel like Abouna does not understand what we are saying; therefore, we don’t get the guidance that we are seeking every time we confess. The second reason is cultural differences. We still hold fast to our Egyptian culture but we need someone who understands the temptations and tribulations of living in the American culture and trying to balance both worlds at the same time. The third reason is because every time we confess we always say the same thing and He always gives us the same answers over and over. For example, we always argue with our parents and when we go and tell Abouna and ask for guidance, all Abouna says is, “in the Bible, it says we need to obey our parents,” which is true; but, we are 17 yr olds and we have heard this ever since we were kids. We need something deeper and step by step guidance. Because of these reasons, we have been unable to partake of Holy Communion for several months. So, here we are today writing to Your Grace for guidance on what to do. Should we continue with our father of confession or should we search for a new father of confession? If Your Grace believes we should search for a new father of confession, who would Your Grace suggest?

I agree with you in that it is truly important to have a strong relationship with your Confession Father. One of the major strengths of our church is the foundation of discipleship. The first part of our Lord's ministry began with the calling of His disciples. The disciples of St. John the Baptist also began to follow Christ as well, with the blessings of this saint who guided them to Christ. This teaches us the importance of having a spiritual guide throughout life. Although we can learn a great deal from all of our church fathers, there is always one with whom you will connect best. This spiritual father should not be judged by what others think and say about him, neither should his accent or the place where he grew up be a determining factor as to whether he should be the guide for you. This is a special and unique relationship at a spiritual level designed at your pace. Your confession father helps to raise you up to spiritual maturity and edification. Each priest also has his own confession/spiritual father. So, not only do you benefit from your confession father's wisdom, but from the wisdom of his spiritual father, and his spiritual father, and so on. I advise you both to stay with your current confession/spiritual father until you feel you are ready to commit to another spiritual father. At this juncture, I need to also comment on something you mentioned, i.e., that your current confession father has repeated much of his same advice on many occasions. My question for which I want you to reflect is how diligent have you been in following these repeated instructions? Be true to yourself. You must also be a willing participant in this journey and embark on the spiritual path that is designed for you. For some, it is necessary to take baby steps, while for others, more diligence and responsibility are required. First, place your will in the hands of your spiritual father and obey him as much as you can. Then, you will be able to determine if it is you or he who are not moving forward on this path. To whomever you decide to confess, be serious, determined, honest, and obedient, so that he can truly help guide you best in your spiritual path and struggles.