Q&A Home > A > Abuse (Physical & Emotional)

I have been struggling lately with God. Every now and then I read verses in the Bible about obeying parents. My parents abused me physically and emotionally. I had a roof over my head, food, education and they send me to church, but I was also hit, slapped, and emotionally abused. I am struggling with God. He is asking me through the Bible to obey and honor them. If He wants me to obey and forgive why did He allow this to happen?

You are very much loved by God and your pain is not overlooked nor forgotten before Him for a single moment, "for he who touches you touches the apple of His eye" (Zechariah 2:8). Parents must not abuse their children in any way. Your obedience toward your parents is foremost toward God. He is teaching us through the Commandments the general rule of respecting elders. This does not mean that God or the Church condones the harsh treatment of one's children at all: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" (Colossians 3:21); and "fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). There are many reasons why some parents are abusive toward their children, but it is never justified. Usually, their own upbringing was in a hostile environment, and it is perpetuated from one generation to another. By God's grace, many people that endured such a horrible experience transformed it as a platform for love and service. Sometimes knowing what you lacked instills a profound understanding, empathy, and love toward others. For those reasons, you can become a better person, a better parent, a better friend, a better colleague. God can take any negative situation and bring goodness and joy out of it. Any hardship can make you either better or bitter. Discard the bitterness by forgiveness. It is clear that you have a good heart in that even through your pain, you acknowledged the good that your parents offered. Every child needs love and, unfortunately, they failed to convey this to you. They need prayer, too, that the Lord will transform their hearts. You do not need to be emotionally imprisoned any longer by this experience. Liberate yourself through forgiveness. Begin today to build your relationship with God. He is your Father, your Best Friend, and your Advocate. "May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you" (1 Peter 5:9-10).