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I have been married for 20 years and my husband's sexual performance is weak. He ejaculates in less than a minute, which frustrates me to the extent that I try to avoid being with him. I mentioned to him a couple of times over the years that maybe he should seek medical help but he is not keen. Two years ago, I started using a vibrator on my own. He does not know. I am cautious to not embarrass him. I have been more accepting to being with him as I do not feel the same frustration knowing there is an alternative. However, I feel guilty about it because I am unsure if it is a sin or if it is okay to use it! Can you please advise? Also, if it is a sin, do I have to confess it to my father of confession? If it is a sin, what is the alternative to suppress my needs? Should I seek medical help to suppress these needs?

Sexuality is a normal, enjoyable, and expected component of marriage. St. Paul advises all couples to consult with one another regarding intimacy and sexuality: "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Corinthians 7:5). Issues that arise should be addressed between the couple and perhaps with a Christian therapist regarding sexual dysfunctions. The use of vibrators or other instruments is strongly not advised as it is a form of masturbation and a sin. Confession is necessary to alleviate the guilt and learn how to cope. Most clergy have some important resources and books that address these issues and can be helpful for you and your husband. Intimacy and sexuality begin first in the mind, then directed by the body by lack of self-control. One first fanaticizes about the experience. This is where sin begins. Then, the sin is performed after losing control while it is still a thought or feeling. Though in the following scenario the Lord is speaking about prayer, the message can be applied in other situations in which the body overcomes the spirit: "Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). Therefore, speak to your husband clearly, explain your needs, not only sexually, but that you need him emotionally through intimacy. Consider consulting with a Christian therapist that can prescribe different approaches, techniques, and treatments to help you both improve your sexual relationship.