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Q&A Home > M > Marriage > Parental Approval/Disapproval What do I do if my parents are making it impossible but I still want a woman even that has a child? I fully understand that it is completely out of the norm for my parents, but she is actually willing to join the Church. During our car rides, she asks about the Church and is really interested. She wants to repent and take all steps possible to have a new life with God. The issue is my parents are seeing past that and are judging her on her past. They make it seem like I am choosing her over my family. Parents' disapproval is one of those expected serious challenges when a son or daughter wishes to marry someone that has a child from a previous marriage or relationship. This scenario poses an unexpected dilemma to the parents, so they cannot be rushed into accepting your wishes. That does not mean there are or will be antagonistic feelings toward the child. The child must be loved and accepted. It is the entire concept that is unwelcomed and foreign to their way of thinking and their heritage and its cultural norms. That also does not mean that the Church advocates for their behavior, but we need to explain to you that they are overwhelmed with results they had never anticipated nor perceived to be a reality.
It is wise to continue to pray and ask for guidance from your confession father, as well as your parents' spiritual father(s). You must know for sure that the woman you wish to marry is first seeking her own salvation through the Church or if this is merely a passage to marriage. If the first is true, you both need to exercise wisdom, understanding, and patience. Jacob waited fourteen years to marry Rachel. Samson opposed his parents' approval for his marriages and suffered the consequences. Tobias married Sarah with his parents’ blessings, though she had a grim past and had been previously married, but their marriage was successful. These are examples of some marriages and parental blessings. If marriage is lacking that sincere, spiritual component for either or both of you, then end the relationship.
You have only three options:
1) Wait patiently for your parents' approval and blessings
2) Marry this woman without your parents' blessings or approval
3) End the relationship
You must discuss each scenario thoroughly and honestly with your personal confession father who knows you best and is most likely the same one who is advising and spiritually guiding the woman you wish to marry. It is a major problem if neither of you has a serious relationship with a confession father. This priest ought to know you best and should also be getting to know this woman very well. He ought to have prepared an appropriate catechism program for her to follow and should be monitoring her spiritual growth, as well as yours. Her willingness to go to church out of good will and expressing interest in the church during car rides is insufficient to the life-long commitment of marriage. Good intentions are like vapor. Would you work forty hours per week based on the assumption that someone might be willing to pay you out of good will or could be interested in compensating you. No, you would not. Only, when you are assured exactly of an employer's commitment to perform his promise (vow) would you even considering signing a contract with this person. Assure her that nothing is stopping her from repenting. She will repent when she fully realizes, acknowledges, and admits that she has offended God and desires to end any sin, whatever it may be, and reconcile with Him. It is not about you. It is about her relationship with God. The church is where we all go to repent. No one is without sin. St. John Chrysostom tells us that the church is not a hotel for saints but a hospital for the spiritually ill. The Lord Jesus Christ clearly explained this purpose: "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance" (Mark 2:17; cf. Matthew 9:12; Luke 5:31). The church will open her arms and doors to her with or without you.
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