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I have been trying to see ways to improve the situation between my husband and I by going to different marriage functions. We went to marriage seminars and got some books but he never looked at them. He screams and curses at me? In my head, I would say, I can actually write these books. Throughout my married life, I have been examining each problem and whether it is my fault or not. I try to avoid letting it happen again. For 17 years, I have tried to learn some wisdom from it.

My husband also started a new part time job at a night club on the weekends for financial security. He knows I don’t approve of this. I confirmed that he is having an intimate relationship with another woman through a conversation which I overheard him having with someone in which he was describing their union in finite details.

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning feeling that I am chocking because of this empty relationship that is full of the devil’s control. Everyday I listen to sermons on Christian channels. I heard about a weekend counseling seminar and told my husband about it, so that we can reserve a place and hopefully find some solutions. I told him that we have to work on our marriage for the sake of the kids. When I asked him what he thinks we should do about our situation, he replied, "just as I told you when the priest was here. I will give you such and such an amount to pay off your car and that will be your total share in the equity of the house, then you can leave. He is not a man that values the sacrament of marriage.

I recorded a sermon and suggested to him that we listen to it as family (a family that prays together stays together). It turned into a big fight in the presence of the kids. He tells me that I am bombarding the kids with religious material all day long. Throughout our married life, whenever we have trouble, I pray to God, "You know what is going on; You see my efforts in this marriage; Look upon me and protect me and the kids; Give me wisdom to do the right thing. Sometimes I say, “God, why do You not talk to me and tell me what to do before it is too late?” Sometimes, I feel that I have done gruesome mistakes because I was not strong enough to take an effective stand against the physical abuse not knowing that it will scar me for life.

Your marriage is worth all the effort and even the heartache in which you are investing. From your description, it sounds as though your husband is emotionally checking out. He has surrounded himself with more temptations than he can possibly resist, probably because his spiritual development seized to mature due to his lack of willingness. However, continue to pursue to do what is right, which is to try to keep the family together. If your husband cannot handle direct intervention by seeking spiritual advice from the clergy, consulting a therapist, or attending seminars for marriage or self-improvement, then do not push the issue, as it will only frustrate him and make him resist more. In the meantime, let your Christian speech and conduct be your confidence and demeanor when you interact with him. Please know that we do not condone any kind of physical abuse. Not only will the church support the victim, but the law is on your side as well when allegation of abuse is confirmed. If your husband is having an extra-marital affair, you must also be cautious if and when you and he engage in intimate interactions. I recommend that you encourage your children to confide in a godly servant(s), who can wisely and confidentially guide them through this process. They are too young to understand the dynamics of marriage, and we would not want them to hate their father or to blame you for the collapse of the family unit. It is also important that they are guided to understand that marriage can be wonderful and full of joy when we keep God in the midst.