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I am in turmoil and confused about the issue of pride, self-guilt, self-condemnation and self-excuse. Of the three, which is normal and which is sinful? How can one distinguish and create a balance among them while pursuing inner healing and spiritual growth? I feel guilty about the way I pray the Agpeya because I hardly pay attention during prayers.  

Pride does not admit sin. A proud man would not admit in his heart that he is a sinful man, nor recognize that he is doing anything wrong. On the contrary, he thinks he is very wise. To want to do good and find yourself struggling to do so is common to human nature. St. Paul admitted his own struggle in this matter saying "For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice" (Rom 7:19).

Sometimes it is not easy to overcome a certain sin, and one finds himself committing the same sin over and over again. This should not make us despair but we should always have faith that we can conquer sin "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13).

To live with the Lord and be close to Him is the one thing detested by the devil. He will do his best not to allow this to happen. Therefore we should be aware that the more we want to be closer to the Lord, the more we will be tempted. It is up to us to stand firm and not give in to temptation and even when we fall, we should rise again, resist more and never despair.

If you find yourself praying the Agpeya without paying attention, repeat it again and again till you can concentrate. If you keep on doing so, you will be spending more time in prayer, and this will be a victory over the devil.

Our God is a loving God. He is our Father who loves us and wants everyone to be saved. He does not leave us when we are weak as long as we are struggling against sin. He is watching over us. He knows our sinful nature and He forgives us our sins and weaknesses if we recognize them and ask Him for His forgiveness.

A good book that I would recommend for you to read is “Characteristics of the spiritual Path” by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III.