Q&A Home > S > Spiritual Life

I have some spiritual concerns regarding my two children who have recently moved away from home to attend college. One is a hard worker and very responsible; and one is very active in school extracurricular activities. Both are extremely active within their respective college settings.

I sense that Church is not one of their priorities in their new independent college life. I am very concerned (actually worried) that the problem could be much bigger than this.

What is the best way to approach our children; knowing that talking with them about this subject has become very sensitive. All I am doing right now is praying.

During our life on earth, all our being, heart, thoughts, feelings and spirit go through different phases. Each phase will leave its blueprint on us.

As Golgotha is a phase, so is the Holy Resurrection. The ascent to Heaven  is  a phase that extends to the final stage of sitting on the right hand of the Father.

Whenever, a difficult time shows up in in our lives, we must rest assured that it will not last forever, and that with hope we will be able to emerge into the next phase. Thus we go from Golgotha to resurrection, from pain and misery to joy and glory.

As we wait in patience for the sunshine of resurrection to come out, we have to live a life of utter faith in God the provider. This waiting is in itself a phase.  Because without faith, we cannot please God and expect him to help us out. If fear starts to show up, it will automatically cancel our faith. With regard to your concern about your children’s spiritual life:

There are some truths that do not lend themselves to compromise:

First, attending Church worship is a must. .Children must be brought up to know and understand that worship and participating  in the Holy Sacraments come first in our lives. "Train children how to live right and when they are old, they will not change"  (Proverbs 22:6). If there is time for college studies and extracurricular activities I am quite sure there is time for God. God must come first.

Secondly, children must learn to obey their parents. When the children become obedient, they will listen when their parents tell them to go to church .

"My son, keep your fathers' commands, and don't forget your mothers' teachings. They will guide you when you walk. They will guard you when you sleep. They will speak to you when you are awake. These commands are like a lamp; this teaching is like a light. And the correction that comes from them will help YOU TO HAVE LIFE" (Proverbs 6:20,22-23).

How should parents approach their children?

1. Any reprimand must be done in a "spirit of love". Parents should make their children understand that they are seeking nothing but their children’s well being and prosperity. If they are urging them to go to church, it is because they care about their eternity and future destination. Parents should not accept the excuses their children offer, but should think aloud with them and try to find a solution to every problem. They can suggest taking a ride with a friend, calling Abouna or any other solution.




2. Our children should be enlightened as to the absolute importance of receiving Holy Communion at least once every forty days.
   
   Attending church is not an option; it is an obligation and a prerequisite to developing a spiritual life.




3. In a logical unthreatening manner, let you children know that there are limits to your leniency. If your children are under your responsibility financially, then you are in a position to tell them that they have to answer to you and obey you.




4. Encourage them to make friends with people sharing the same Orthodox faith in order to have a good social support system. Be clear and persuasive, and do not give up. Repeatedly tell them that if they have time for extracurricular activities, they should have time for who is more important which is God.
   
   They should attach themselves to the church near to them and take part in their spiritual activities such youth retreats, conferences, etc. Abouna should know that they are there.




5. In order to achieve successes in discipline, it is important to retain calmness and avoid loosing temper.
   
   On the other hand To simply do nothing is to invite passivity. Passivity will not entice one to want to attend church. Passivity will not encourage worship. Attending church is an expected behavior. If your children had grown up in the church, expectations would not have changed when they attended college. "Your rules give me pleasure, they give me good advice" (Psalm 119:24).

Purchase for them books that they might enjoy reading and that will bring them closer to the church. There are many well-written Orthodox books that address their need to know more about the church. The Diocese website has many inexpensive and well-written books whose subjects parallel to the lives of your children.

His Grace Bishop Mettaeous' "The Spirituality of the Rites of the Holy Liturgy," His Holiness Pope Shenouda's, "Experiences in Life," and "1000 Answers to 100 Questions" written by Fr. Mikhail Mikhail are good books to begin with.

Send them books in the mail as a surprise. Do they receive the Mighty Arrows Magazine publication for youth? Did they attend the college conferences e.g., winter "Water, Wind and Faith" Conference in Destin? There were more than 350 college students in attendance from many different states within the US. Do they have the means to follow up with the different Coptic websites e.g., Southern Diocese Website?

Surprise them with a CD of spiritual music (Coptic Hymns and Spiritual Songs for example). To simply say "I do not know what to do" is taking a passive approach and in essence you are indeed doing something. You are taking an action. It is allowing your children to not attend church.

The longer they are allowed to remain outside of the church, the more distancd they will be from he church. "Correct your children and you will be proud; they will give you satisfaction. Where there is no word from God, people are uncontrolled, but those who obey what they have been taught are happy" (Proverbs 29:17-18).

God bless you and your love for your children.