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From the time we were leaving our trip until now I've been really annoyed with my father of confession. The slightest things get to me and it's causing me to be an offense to others. I got a bit angry with stuff he said, but I talked to him on the plane ride home and then on the bus ride home.

I hated how the trip ended and how Abouna and Tasoni were acting. Perhaps I was highly irritable since our trip was coming to an end, but many of the other youth felt the same way as well. The thing that bothered me is that our disconnect from other churches seems to be growing wider and wider. It scares me when I see the youth gathered around Abouna on the edge of their seats listening to all the "wrong" things other churches around us are doing. This sight was so common on our trip. Often times I would remove myself from the table so I don't lose my peace, but upon returning to my room, several of the girls would rant to me because they were so offended by what they heard. I actually went and told Abouna that he had offended some people by what he had said. He told me that he's been holding this stuff in for so long and this isn't even the half of it. It's his job to protect us from this stuff, and it's important for us to know that this stuff is happening. I don't doubt what he says, but as some of the girls put it, "this isn't stuff he should be telling his congregation". I don't know if I'm more concerned about the girls questioning the validity of what he was saying or if I should be more concerned about the guys who clutch on to his every word and follow blindly. I feel like we've become our own cult. I'm judging him :(

I'm holding a lot back, but somehow I've allowed myself to become an offense to people around me. I was picking up one of the new out of town university students for vespers on Saturday night. On our way home she was asking me some questions about our church. We got onto the topic of how we do things a little differently here. I mentioned to her that when the H1N1 scare was going around, Abouna decided it would be safest to dip the Body in the Blood when giving communion on order to avoid the germs spreading from the spoon (now we do it because it saves Abouna time - he has to give communion sitting down because he's so exhausted and can barely stand by communion time). I was so not happy when Abouna decided this and I still miss the old way, and I told her that. Anyways, the girl got so angry. I feel terrible for being an offense to her. And the worst thing is I have probably become an offense to her roommates who have come from the same church as her.

I'm so annoyed by everything that happened. I dip into these phases every now and then and it's a huge struggle for me. This is my most hated struggle ever... I have such a deep love and respect for Abouna, so it kills me when I ‘turn against him'. He has bent over backwards for me and he's gone above and beyond his duties as a priest. He's one of the most important people in my life... so why am I struggling so much with this?

I encourage you to allow yourself to focus on the good with which you have benefited from this Abouna, rather than from the areas of dispute. If you truly think of him as a father, you cannot just abandon him, especially if you think he is mistaken. This is the time he needs his children the most to help him confront the issues and concerns which are causing him frustration. Try to reason with him at an appropriate time. He may be concerned about various bad habits which he has witnessed or perhaps things which were shared with him by other priests, which cause him to fear for his flock's spiritual security, thereby making him become over-protective of his congregation. Some churches occasionally become either too liberal or completely out of control, which may cause others to go too far the other way and isolate themselves. It is certainly of benefit to be more moderate and have ministries and servants to address the various needs of members of the congregation rather than just to isolate the members in church as though it was a compound. The fathers tell us that the church is like a hospital. Sinners need help, spiritual help. We cannot turn them away. Yet, at the same time, we cannot allow people living in perpetual sin and refusing to repent to infect others, especially youth who are trusting and think they are invincible to more aggressive sins or other bad habits. Servants need to be assigned to these individuals and gradually bring them back into the fold. Rather than condemnation, we need to become problem-solvers. This I challenge you to be. Rather than deserting Abouna at this time, engage him and the other leaders and servants in ideas within their scope of what is acceptable. I am certain you can find a peaceful place to start.