Q&A Home > R > Relationships

For the past 6 months I have been in a long distance relationship with a Coptic Orthodox young man. He is 25 I am 23. He is very active in his church and very involved in the deaconate services. When we first started courting, he explained to me that when he was in high school, he lost his virginity. I explained that this is not something that bothered me because it was a mistake in his past and as long as it is not in his present lifestyle and does not affect our relationship, and then we can move past it. He reassured me that it was just in his past and it was a long time ago and that it is not something to worry about.

Later down the road in our relationship, he started to joke around sexually with me. At first, I would scold him for it. He would stop for a little, then it would start again. I thought maybe I'm being too uptight, so I just laughed it off and then got used to hearing this sexual way of talking from him. He came to visit me every month since we started dating and more recently inappropriate touching began. The first time I felt so guilty, I called my father of confession and I told him everything. I was ready to end the relationship. My father of confession advised me to speak with him and warn him that if it ever happens again that would be a deal breaker and the end of the relationship. He also gave me spiritual exercises. I told him about what my father of confession said and how I felt and we both agreed that we would stop. We did stop for a few weeks then we began again our same routine. I went out and visited him and we spent the night together in a hotel. Although we did not have intercourse, we came very close to it and did other ungodly things.

Again, I felt so, so guilty. The next day, we both agreed we would stop and we even prayed together and asked God to forgive us, but we still sinned the same night and the following day. After I left, we stopped talking in a bad way with each other. I think he is more cautious just because it's Holy Week and the end of lent.

I cannot explain to you the overwhelming weight and burden. I have never been this type of girl. This is not who I am, but I fell so hard and with someone who I thought would be a partner with me on my way to Christ. I told him that I need time to think and pray and not to speak to him during Holy Week. Although I really do love him, I feel like we've sinned too much together and I don't know if there is hope for this relationship or if I should continue. I literally feel like I'm separated from Christ and it’s the worst feeling in the world. At the same time, I love the person with whom I committed a sin with and now is the cause of the way I'm feeling. I don’t want to put the blame on him. We are both weak, and we both fell.

Are there steps we can take to fix this and get right with God and with each other? Is there is any hope for this relationship? I'm sorry, but I'm just too embarrassed and ashamed to talk to my father of confession and didn't have anywhere else to turn.

Here are 3 basic advices for you. May the Lord give you strength to do what is right.

Sin:
If you think you can fight the devil in his territory and win, you can not. He will beat you every time and make you crave this sin more. Be honest with yourself. When you made plans to visit this young man and stay at a hotel, what exactly did you tell your family? Think about the chain of sins that occurred in order to execute this plan. You do not need to respond in words, but see how your thoughts contributed to your actions. You furnished the opportunity for this sort of sin, and the devil seized your willingness.

Remorse:
It is important to have sincere regrets when you fall into any sin. Sin is a way of veiling God out of your life. You have to hide, plot, and sneak around—but be assured, God sees everything and knows what is in your heart. God, the Holy Spirit, is putting you on high alert to repent. That is why you are saddened by your sins. Once you fall into this type of sin, you cannot continue in this relationship without succumbing to this sin over and over again. Your passions will overwhelm you and you are not spiritually mature enough to see the warning signs. You diffused all boundaries. You have to either bring this relationship to your families' attention and take measures to marry, or end the relationship immediately because it has nowhere else to go, but to sin.

Confession:
You cannot hide these serious sins from your confession father. He may get upset, not at you—his weakened daughter, but that devil hurt you like this and you could not fight him. Your confession father may reprimand you, but he will still love you. How can you continue to partake of Holy Communion if you do not confess? The devil is trying to take that away from you also so that you fall in despair. Be strong. Your confession father may give you some stern consequences and you should heed to his advice. You need to turn to him immediately while sin is still a small seed. Humility and obedience are the strongest armor of defense against the devil.