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I met a young lady at a church convention. We began to talk online and on the phone for about 4 months and we both wanted to get to know each other more. I talked to Abouna about it and he said to go to another convention and get to know her better from there. Instead, she and her parents wanted me to visit them in their home because her parents wanted to make sure I was serious. Abouna told me that visiting her parents is a big step and it would mean that the next visit or two would be for an engagement. He told me that unless I was planning on getting engaged soon, then it's wiser to not visit yet. I didn't feel like I knew her well enough to visit and I wasn't ready for an engagement at that time because I still had 2 years of school remaining. When I told her I want to get to know her better through another convention before I would go visit, she and her parents thought it would be best that we don't talk again; we stopped talking for 2 years.

1. Am I wrong for disagreeing with her on how much she's worried about what people think and how she wants us to go out of our way by going to different churches and not talking at conventions so that people don't think we're in a relationship?


2. Should I visit or should I ask her to go to another convention?


3. How do I know if I'm spiritually ready to be in a relationship given some of the thoughts of monasticism that I have?


4. Any other advice you have for me would be great.

1. Am I wrong for disagreeing with her on how much she's worried about what people think and how she wants us to go out of our way by going to different churches and not talking at conventions so that people don't think we're in a relationship?

You are neither right nor wrong about disagreeing with her on how to interact in public. Some church congregations are more likely to dwell on every small detail and prone to spreading rumors, while others are more casual and less likely to interfere in other people's businesses. Ultimately, each person and each family should conduct themselves as wisely and as naturally as they can. Some people are hypersensitive to the comments made by others, and this may restrict their natural behavior. She is more aware of her environment and she ought to behave prudently regarding these matters, as you ought to as well. However, there should be no reason for extreme paranoia. I am sure that people at other churches have mutual friends at different churches as well. This method of total avoidance is not completely sound. So long as each one is respectful, there should be no reason why you cannot communicate in public or exchange greetings. College and graduate conventions permit time to allow for social interactions, but the follow-up is up to the individuals. This is not the only forum for meeting people, but we recognize that this is a spiritually and socially safe environment for introducing possible compatible individuals to each other in a respectful Christian atmosphere. There is no reason to hide or shy away from these normal interactions amongst peers and professionals in this category whether at conventions or at your local churches.

2. Should I visit or should I ask her to go to another convention?

I do agree with your spiritual father in that this is not the time for an official home visit, unless you and she have agreed on the same meaning attributed to this meeting and that she clarified that with her parents. If not, perhaps, you can visit her church and meet the family casually afterward. If they do not agree to that, then simply let the girl know that you are also just not ready for the next step at this time, and you be ready to move on.

3. How do I know if I'm spiritually ready to be in a relationship given some of the thoughts of monasticism that I have?

When you are spiritually ready, you will know. Spiritually speaking, you will both find that the direction in which the relationship is heading is spiritually steered. You will find comfort in your spiritual compatibility and experience mutual support without worry or coercion. If monasticism is in your path, you will not follow your heart to entertain the idea of marriage at this time until you have ascertained if a monastic life awaits you.

4. Any other advice  you have for me would be great.

Pray with an open heart and sincerely ask God to intervene and direct your path.