Q&A Home > P > Parenting

• I have a 6 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. He usually likes to play with girls at school and talks about them at home and she usually likes to play with boys at school and talks about them at home. I am concerned about that because he is a boy and she is a girl? What should I do? He tries to be as big as her while she tries to be as young as him. I feel that he is older than her in many situations. I would like to know how to deal with them without hurting their feelings.
• I have a few questions:
  1. Is it too much for their age to fast at 7 and 9?
  2. Should I invent nice ways to cook so they will like the fasting food and will not mind fasting?
  3. Will they continue to fast when they grow up or will they hate it?
  4. Which way is better, to let the kids fast as we do with some good food and sweet stuff, or fast from what we like only even though it is fasting food (candy, junk food)?
• I have seen very good kids and when I asked and saw their parents raising them, I knew that they set a reward for everything. That is why they are excellent. I use rewards but not in everything. My kids are active kids, so they give me a hard time in church. My daughter is 7 years old and my son is 5 years old. I thought to have an agreement with them if they behave well during the Liturgy, Sunday school, and hymns class. I will reward them by candy, cake, going out, and so on. Last week, my husband and I with the kids memorized psalm 100 in English. I told them that if they memorize it by Friday, they will get a toy from the store (one or two dollars). I heard also that some parents don't give allowances, but they let their kids earn it by working in the house, such as cutting the grass, collecting the garbage, and so on. Many questions are in my mind:
  1. Which is better, to give an allowance or to let them earn it?
  2. Is it OK to give a gift like a cheap toy for things like memorization?
  3. How about discipline or reward for behavior in the church?
• I would like to know how to talk to my 9 year old daughter about things that we feel shy to talk about? Are there any books to read or sermons to hear? I feel that she started to ask about these things throughout the last three years. She asks, then agrees on a very simple answer. But, now I feel that she needs more and is asking a lot. I really feel that she may know already, but might want or need to hear it from me. I gave her some idea about me and her dad. Is this ok or is it too early? Up to where I should talk and stop?
• In dealing with children less than 10 years or age, how can we as parents deal with wisdom every year at Christmas time when our young children find their friends asking them what did Santa bring them? Should we bring them gifts (as parents do here) and say to them that Santa brought them? Should we buy gifts on December 25th to not make them feel that they are different, and then buy others again on January 7th to make them feel the joy of the Nativity Feast?
• My 12 year old daughter likes to stay alone, writes, plays guitar, or reads. She comes to talk to me when she has something funny or happy to share. When I want to talk with her when she is in a bad mood, she asks me to leave in an angry voice. When I insist to talk with her, she says bad words to me. I thank God that He gives me calmness and patience to continue because I feel she needs to talk. Then, she blows out the problem that made her mad and we talk for hours. She never seems to be convinced by my opinions. She argues and fights, but we continue. At the end, she says, didn’t I tell you to leave and you never listen? I made sure that we are friends again and I wish her a blessed night. I understood leave as stay. IS THAT NORMAL? WHEN SHOULD I LEAVE AND WHEN SHOULD I STAY?
• My 20 month old boy hit our friend's 9 month old boy with a toy in his head and hurt him. What is the best way of dealing with this situation?
• My daughter is strong in front of me. She yells and tries to prove that she has rights as a 12 year old to be alone—to have her privacy, sometimes not to pray, nor eat with us. However, she is weak in front of her friends, classmates, and teachers. She can't stand up for herself unless we ask her. She doesn't want us to know anything happening at school. By accident, her brother told us about an incident at school. She got mad and told us that she couldn't stop the situation. Another time, one of her classmates knocked her down. The school gave the highest achievement to another girl in her class by mistake and I had to talk to her principal to recalculate the marks again until they recognized her. She thinks no body listens to her. She wants me to obey her when she asks me to leave the room, and at the same time, she disobeyed her father recently. I do not understand her. Whenever we talk, she tries to convince me that she is a victim. How can I help her?
• My kids fast Wednesday and Friday, and other fasting. Last Wednesday, I gave my daughter chocolate for Thursday, but when I went to her room, I found out that she ate some of it. I told her, I didn't expect that because I trusted her. Was it too much for her age and was it too much temptation? How can I deal with this problem? According to her younger brother's teacher, he never eats chocolate at school on those days when they are offered. When we read the Holy Bible, go to church, pray, the kids complain, but when I tell them it is up to them and that God never forces them, they stay with us and read the Holy Bible and pray as well. When they are sick on a Sunday and can't go to church, they do not like it; I do not understand them.
• My son had to read a text in high school about how unimportant motherhood is. They are saying that it is up to a woman to decide if she wants kids or not, and that motherhood is a myth. If God talks, he would say to stop having children since the world is overpopulated. Are there verses in the Bible to explain this?
• My son used to always discuss religion and spiritual subjects. I do not know what has happened. He used to read a lot of books. In college, they often said, there is no GOD. It has taken about a year now, and step by step, he is starting to come back, but not as strong like before. Now, he is going through a very hard time and might be addicted to some kind of prescription medication.
• My teenage daughter is always telling me, “Do Not Judge,” whenever someone is doing something wrong, such as saying bad words, wearing inappropriate clothes, or celebrating in a wrong way—wrong religious traditions. I keep telling her that we don't judge the person himself, but his actions. Is there a good sermon in English to explain this Bible verse better? Also, is there a sermon about explaining the different religions in the world and why they are wrong?
• One of my friends uses this with her kids --- if you embarrass me, I will embarrass you. So, if the children misbehave outside and she is embarrassed by their behavior, she will embarrass them by punishment or discipline. One day I saw her son standing facing the wall in a not hidden corner in the church. He was in grade one, and now he is in grade four going to five. He is well behaved, from what I see. Is that OK to be told to the children and to follow through with if you embarrass me, I will embarrass you?
  1. 1-Which is better, to give an allowance or to let them earn it?
  2. 2-Is it OK to give a gift like a cheap toy for things like memorization?
  3. 3-How about discipline or reward for behavior in the church?
  4. The letter kills but the Spirit gives life. I have been through some internal fights in the last few years trying to walk the thin line between protecting and giving my biological children and my spiritual children the best spiritual upbringing and being judgmental and.critical to the very few of our priests that sometimes appear to stick to the letter of The Word. Sometimes I have faith that God will protect us all from the letter and I feel that things go well and I am in peace internally. Other times, I feel aches in my heart and my.mind starts telling me I need to speak up. The toughest time is when my children are opening subjects that are causing their confusion about some priests' words and behavior that go against their preaching and our church teachings. My point in the end is how to make my children not become people like the Pharisees that our Lord Jesus.talked about without me being a stumbling block for anybody?