Q&A Home > M > Marriage

• A sixteen year old high school boy asked me if it is alright for him to get to know a girl who is two years older than him, although he is not considering getting married to her now.
• Am I right or sinful in choosing to leave my husband after twenty-three years of marriage because he abuses me physically for no reason and before my only twenty-two year old son? I am not trying to get a divorce, all I am looking for is to live peacefully alone.
• Before Adam and Eve sinned, did they live a celibate life? Were they ordained by God to have children anyway, even if they had not sinned?
• Can a marriage between a Copt and a Jew be conducted at the Coptic Church in the presence of a Jweish Rabbai? If not, would a Coptic Bishop be willing to preside over the ceremony at the synagogue along with a Rabbi?
• Can a Mormon marry a Catholic to rectify their mistake of having had a child before marriage?
• Can an Orthodox deacon marry a girl who lost her virginity?
• Can you explain this verse? "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord" (Proverbs? 18:22, NRSV).
• Do we believe in "meant to be"? In other words,God has a certain someone whom we "are meant to" marry?
• Does the Coptic Orthodox Church view marriage outside it as adultery?
• Even after truly repenting for and confessing the loss of virginity, does the church still need to know about it before marriage, although in God's eyes this sin is forgiven and forgotten?
• For an unmarried couple in love with each other and hoping to get married, why is it not Christian for them to satisfy their body need?
• Four years ago I met a wonderful person. For the past year he and I have had the intention of getting married but of course the issue of rebaptism has been our primary dilemma. We have finally found an Albanian Orthodox Church that does not require him to be baptized again. All he would need is anointing with Myron oil. We both understand that the Albanian Orthodox Church is considered part of the Eastern Orthodox Church while the Coptic Church is considered part of the Oriental Orthodox. With this in mind, both he and I are very comfortable with our decision to get married in the Albanian Orthodox church. However, when I told Abouna and my father about this decision neither one was satisfied. We want to get married and at the same time please both our parents and the church. At this point we are ready to go forth with our wedding in the Albanian Orthodox church as planned but we are turning to you for advice.
• How can I have a marriage relationship that does not distract me from our Lord Jesus Christ, and how would I know that this person is the one that the Lord has chosen for me?
• How can we know we are ready for a real Christian marriage? Also, how can I work on myself so that I can become the best partner? 
• How do we know when a person is emotionally mature and ready for marriage?
• How does the Church interpret 1 Corinthians 7 where St. Paul contrasts the married life to the single life?
• How does the church view marriage of a woman to a man younger than her?
• How does the Coptic Church handle cases of remarriage with members, whether within or outside the Coptic Church?
• I am a 25 years old Copt. I came to the U.S around this time last year. I am engaged to a Greek Orthodox girl who was married before; but go divorced because of her ex-husband's adultery. Unfortunately to marry her, her parents demanded that I become a Greek orthodox. 
  1. Do you think that our marriage is a sin?
  
  
  
  2. If I changed and became Greek Orthodox, will I be able to take Holy Communion in the Coptic Church.
• I am a student in pharmacy, second year. I met a wonderful girl who has changed my life drastically. I started to go to church, serve as a deacon, pray, read the bible daily, and have joined servants' prep class. This has been going on for nine weeks now. I am interested in getting married to this girl as I think she will make a wonderful wife and mother. However, I am facing two problems: the first is that she is two and a half years older than me, and secondly her family does not seem to welcome the idea. I am thinking of getting engaged in my fourth year of College. She has some problems, but my parents overlooked them and still like her for the changes she has brought about in me. I have been praying about it and so has she. Neither of us knows if this is the will of God or not. Could you please advise me?
• I am born and raised in America and I am engaged to a man in Egypt who has never come here. He recently got his degree and wants to apply his education to get a prestigious job. He feels he is wasting time in Egypt because he said that if he finds a job out there, it would be long term and that I should move out there with him, so he has not taken the offers yet. He is taking extra courses to pass time with productivity, and asked me if I have started the fiancé visa: I have not. I am scared of starting it and then realizing that he is not the man for me. I am terrified because marriage is for life and I do not want an unhappy marriage. I was so sure of him in the beginning but there have been a lot of issues, so now I am beginning to doubt. We spoke a few days ago and he said that I need to start the papers or he is just going to begin to settle his life in Egypt; in that case, the relationship would be over. I do not know what to do: I would like for him to come to America and see how we would be together here but the visa makes it where we would have to marry within 90 days, and I feel unsure. Also, I do not have my life settled yet. He said that is okay because he will not depend on me since he has family here and he wants to start getting accustomed as soon as possible so I could depend on him in the near future, God willing, but again, I cannot think clearly. Any advice is welcome.
• I am not able to achieve peace of mind. I so desperately seek guidance. I have a friend from our church that I have known and cared deeply for since I was 15, almost 10 years now. I let my feelings be known to my friend with the hopes of establishing a committed relationship that would lead to marriage.
  Then I found out through her,that for the past 7 years (starting at 15) she has been living a totally impure, unchaste life,drinking alcohol, and taking many types of drugs. I believe she is sincere in her desire to repent, though her heart is stubborn and hardened and it upsets me a little to see her struggle to regain her self-discipline and live a chaste life.
  The part of me that cares deeply for her wants to be in committed relationship with her; but my deepest fears are that her past may prevail in the future. Is the problem with me because I am hurt and troubled by her behavior; or is it just she who might never make me happy? Is it wrong for me to hate what she has done and not want to be involved with her because of it; or should I be able to accept all of it with no reservations and make her part of my life? What is the Christian thing to do?
• I am not sure if I should live with two faces, one in the Church and another outside. My husband thinks that life has more to it than just God, Church, fasting, and prayers. However, to me that is life. I can't and refuse to have any kind of joy without God. Do you think that I am overdoing it spiritually? And if I am; how can I correct myself?
• I am not sure if I want to get married or not. However, I have a friend, my age with whom, for the last five years, I have been in touch via email and phone calls. I do not know his feelings towards me. All I know about him is that he is a man of God. I am refusing other people for his sake. However, keeping in touch with him is becoming more difficult. Is God trying to tell me something?
• I am planning to get married this year, yet I have been wondering about the meaning of, and aim behind marriage and having kids. Does this mean I do not love the person I am getting married to?
• I cannot make up my mind regarding a marriage proposal. Could you please advise me?
• I have a question on virginity and the church. If a woman is required to state whether she is a virgin or not before marriage, and a man is required to state whether he was previously married or not, why is it not required of a man to state his “virginal” status prior to marriage?
• I have been baptized into the Coptic Church since April 2003, my studies finally leading me to believe that Orthodoxy is the way I want to follow Christ, the closet way. My girlfriend who is the most godly Christian I have ever met and going to meet is not an orthodox; and from what I learned about the Coptic Orthodox belief concerning intermarriage, getting married to her will deny me partaking of the Holy Mystery of Communion. What do you think is wiser to marry someone that you know will be a solid wonderful Christian wife, or marry someone who you do not really love, just because the church says so? Like a marriage of convenience?
• I have in front of me 3 women in the church in whom I am interested. From their conduct with their friends, their attendance in church, their families, and their relationship to the church, I assume that their lives are close to God. I cannot see their relationship with God other than from what I have seen from outside. I am puzzled by the decision of who would be right for me. I have prayed and will continue to pray about this decision. However, I want to know will God close a door to some of them until I am convinced that one of them is the right one? In other words, will God reveal to me things about them so that there will only be one who is appropriate for me? How do I find out what their personal life with God is like? I know that looks may be deceiving, but I want to dig deeper to find out more about the person without getting into a deep relationship where if it doesn't work out, I don't hurt her feelings. My father of confession has told me to get to know someone and he thinks I am ready emotionally and spiritually for a relationship, and in time, financially.
• I hear many people and sermons saying that most people get married without being prepared for it, causing many marital problems later. How do I prepare myself for marriage? What books should I read? What specific things can I do?
• I just turned 29 years old. I'm being pressured by my family to marry and that is one of the reasons I feel discouraged and impatient. None of my attempts to get to know someone in order to marry him succeeded.   I feel sad because I truly want to marry a Coptic man; but I'm starting to think they're not serious. Is it wrong to marry an American, or do you think the marriage would not be successful?
• I would like Your Grace's opinion on the verse: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Mt 5:28). Also, what is the difference between adultery and fornication? When looking for a future spouse, is it not natural/normal factor to have desires for this person? My understanding of accepting someone as a spouse, is that all factors considered, feeling comfortable when contemplating the whole sexual act with them without feeling disgusted, is a sign this person is someone to consider for a spouse. 
• If an orthodox gets married to an unorthodox in court only as in the case of my friend, how does the church regard this marriage? What if rumors have it that one cheats on the other? Is it considered good to inform the cheated end?
• In the Old Testament, Book of Leviticus, it says that marriage between relatives or same blood is forbidden. Why is it ok in the Coptic Church for cousins to marry? Also, how did Adam and Eve's kids multiply unless brothers and sisters married each other? What was the punishment for Lot's daughters disobeying God? Why was it permitted to have several wives in the Old Testament, then it changed in the New Testament?
• Is there anything wrong with using the Internet to get to know women in order to search for a future wife?
• Is there only one life partner for us and is God the one who chooses him/her?
• I've been in this relationship for about two years and engaged for a little over half a year. My fiancé and I are in the process of planning our wedding and we bought an apartment. During the two years, we've had a few arguments concerning monasticism and whether or not it was God's will for him to pursue this path. It was never clear—hence the reason we got engaged. In one of his recent trips to the monastery, he claims to have felt an attraction and is now debating which path to follow. In one of your earlier answers, you stated that if there is no clear urge to leave everything, then monasticism isn't the path to follow. Can you please advise me on how to deal with this situation and what to do? I am not sure whether I have to wait around for him or not. 
• I've been introduced to several Coptic Orthodox men, but there is always something that seems not to work out. I always pray for God to reveal His will to me; but I'm starting to get discouraged thinking that perhaps I'm not meant to get married. I don't know how I would handle being single without a family of my own. Could your Grace please advise me.
• l had been practicing sexual immorality for about 15 years, but now l have hope in the Lord and started repenting by Lord's grace. I want to marry someone but who she was previously married in a civil ceremony that is by approved by governmental law, which means she did not get married in the Church. However, she was faithful, but her husband committed adultery. Thus, she decided to leave him. However, he had fathered her child. We want to get married in the Church by confessing all our past. Is it okay for me to marry her according the word of God? If yes, what kind of ceremony is allowed for us in the Church? We are both Orthodox Christians.
• Marrying a woman much younger than a man seems to be the fashion these days. Does the church have a comment on that?
• My girlfriend lives in another part of my country, we speak mainly on the phone. We like each other a lot and are taking one day at a time. She has 3 children from previous broken relationship, a teenage boy, and 2 small boys, 4 and 5 years. She has never been married and had these children before she came to Jesus. It troubles me at times thinking of taking on such a responsibility, and I pray and wonder what God's will is in this? What is the church's point of view in such a situation?
• My husband and I got married through the court without having a church wedding. My parents do not know at all, but I wish to tell them. Is a church wedding/blessing still possible? I am Coptic Orthodox, but I am not too aware on the technicalities behind Coptic Orthodox marriage ceremonies. Although I know it to be wrong for not following the proper procedures of our Church, is it still possible to hold the ceremony? He is a non-denominational Christian. Although his beliefs are fundamentally similar to mine, there are a few key differences. However, he respects my religion and wishes to learn more about it and be baptized.
• Should a woman marry a man just because he is highly recommended by his spiritual father; even if she does not have any feelings for him? In 'On Marriage and Family Life' by St. John Chrysostom, pg. 95: "Just as in the case of...the baby which is born immediately from the first sight recognizes its parents without being able to speak, so also the hearts of the bride and the bridegroom are entwined together at the first sight without anyone to introduce them." And he compares it to Christ and the Church and says it's not a human phenomenon and that this is one reason St. Paul says, "This is a great mystery." Is this true? So two people, who love God and seek His will and truth, may be able to recognize their partner from a simple encounter? Can you explain this? 
• Should I kill any strings to this relationship, because this relationship just came out of no where? It wasn't planned, or maybe it was not sent from God and it is not meant to be and just talk to each other normally? By normally I mean we remain good friends but we know there is something between us.
• We are taught not to worry about earthly things but focus on spiritual things. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" (Matthew 6:33). In that respect, is marriage considered an earthly possession? Is it wrong to be praying about it during Lent when we are supposed to be concentrating on heaven and God?
• What are the criteria by which emotional readiness can be measured?
• What are the most important factors for maintaining a successful, spiritual, satisfying married life?
• What does the church mean by wanting to know if a couple, about to marry, is virgin or not? Who else apart from the father of confession, who is the priest marrying the couple, and the partner should know? Does this get documented somewhere?
• What does "The man being the head of the wife" mean?
• What if a wife is spiritually more mature than her husband who is supposed to be the high priest of the home?
• What is a man's role vs. a woman's role in a truly Christian marriage? Nowadays we live in difficult financial times and women have to work both inside and outside the home.
• What is the church’s teachings concerning sexual relation between husband and wife? What is right and what is not wrong?
• What is Your Grace's opinion concerning marrying outside one's race? My daughter wants to marry a man from another race and color. Although I do understand that before God we are equal; yet I am worried about the social and psychological problems that might result from marrying outside one's race and the future implications of such a marriage on her offspring.
• When two people do not get married to each other because it was not God’s plan for them to do so, should their relation be doomed to lifetime ruin or destruction?
• Where in the Holy Bible is it stated that a believer should not get married to an unbeliever?
• Why aren't we allowed to date? Why can't we get married to someone who isn't Orthodox? Is it a sin, and if yes, why?
• Why can't a couple live together before getting married? Isn't it a good way of getting to know each other?
• Why has marriage to be at Church? When a believer marries a non-believer, how should the relatives of the believer react to such a marriage?