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I have been struggling with a few questions in my life lately. I have always lived by an absolute moral code and I apply the lessons I've learned from Abouna directly to my life. Physical relationships, drugs, pre-marital sex; all of these things violate my personal ethics and I have never done them. Therefore, I find it hard to trust people who have sinned and are in my eyes morally objectionable. However, the Lord says that people who sinned always have the opportunity to repent and that it is not for me to judge others. Having said that I would like your Grace’s opinion on a number of questions. (1) Is it right to live my life and make decisions based on my black and white moral code?, (2) Is it right for me to want to distance myself from the people who have participate in morally objectionable activities but have repented, or should I struggle to trust them, accept their history, faults, and transgressions? Is there a grey area in morality? I know many people who seem to share the same ideas about right and wrong but are full of hypocrisy and have no integrity.

First I admire you for living by a moral code and applying the lessons that you have learned from Abouna in your life. Also I understand your struggle, since this kind of struggle is very common among those who live righteously, because if the devil fails in tempting you to do morally objectionable activities, then he will try to tempt you with self-righteousness and judging others.

The Lord Jesus Christ taught us to hate sin but to love the sinners, to accept them, and forgive them. I don't see any contradiction between maintaining your integrity and at the same time understanding the circumstances which may cause people to go astray. We have to live by moral absolutism and accept those who are living by moral relativism. Accepting them does not entail at all accepting their activities.

From your words, I am not sure if you see things black and white or just black. You have set for yourself an “absolute moral code”' and measured everyone else accordingly. You do not want to trust people who have sinned and you judge them as “morally objectionable.” It is a struggle for you to accept their history, faults and transgressions. Do you know of anyone without sin?

You want to distance yourself from 'people who participate in morally objectionable activities,(even after they have repented), where is the love and forgiveness that God commanded us. We must forgive our brethren for their bad deeds, while hating only the devil that has tempted them. We must look upon ourselves as the greatest sinners and we must forgive our brethren for their sinful conduct.

I have to warn you that a person may be externally pious, and have all of the words of truth in their minds and on their lips, but if they lack a loving, merciful heart, they cannot help but fall into prideful self-righteousness. They will judge others, and will gain no benefits from their knowledge and spiritual discipline. It takes true humility and honest love to keep away from judging others, sizing them up, criticizing them, and from harboring ill will in our hearts toward them for the faults we see in them.

Theophan the Recluse says, "Since the enemy watches you constantly, waiting for an opportunity to sow evil in you, be doubly watchful over yourself, lest you fall in the nets spread for you. As soon as he shows you some fault in your neighbor, hasten to repel this thought, lest it take root in you and grow. Cast it out, so that no trace is left in you, and replace it by the thought of the good qualities you know your neighbor to possess, or of those people generally should have. If you still feel the impulse to pass judgment, add to this the truth, that you are given no authority for this and that the moment you assume this authority you thereby make yourself worthy of judgment and condemnation, not before powerless men, but before God, the all-powerful Judge of all. Even if a person's sin is not only obvious, but very grievous and comes from a hardened and unrepentant heart, do not condemn him, but raise your eyes to the wondrous and incomprehensible judgments of God; then you will see that many people, formerly full of iniquity, later repented and reached a high degree of sanctity, and that, on the other hand, others, who were on a high level of perfection, fell into a deep abyss. Take care, lest you also suffer this calamity through judging others."

Our goal, as Christians, is to love one another as our heavenly Father loves us. Our duty is to show people that He cares for them and wants them to have victory in their lives. It is necessary, at times, to explain our understanding of Scripture, and even to elaborate on sin, what God thinks of it, and of the destiny of sinful actions and people, especially if we have a deep love and concern for those God has placed in our world. We must not condemn people or give up on them but pray for them that God's Spirit of Love will work on the rigidity of their hearts.